Les écrivains miserables

I need a break from editing. Yeah, it's Saturday night, so this is pretty nerdy. What can I say?
 
I was listening to Les Miserables earlier (I would karaoke the whole musical, if I could), and was inspired to (sing along and) edit my own version of one of the songs to tide me over for a break.
 
Basically, I modified "The Confrontation" song into a satire for writers and agents. The original is a pretty famous scene, but not the most popular song from the musical itself (those are reserved for things like "On My Own," "I Dreamed a Dream," etc.).

• In case you're wondering, this particular scene is just after Jean Valjean promises Fantine on her death bed that he will care for her daughter, Cosette. Javert bursts in to take him away and thus... the confrontation.
• For our new version, place me (bow) or yourself as the stand in for the writer  (écrivains in French)-- I tried to fit in whatever worked for 24601 (Jean Valjean's prisoner number) syllable-wise, or Jean Valjean.

Here we go....

• Try to sing along, if you know it.
• If you don't, I suggest you view the original first at YouTube. In fact, try playing it in the background and then it'll flow better for you, I hope.

Minor Note: I used the version performed by Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean and Phiip Quast as Inspector Javert, from the 10th Anniversary Concert (October 8, 1995), as the movie version is tough to swallow with Russell Crowe. Sorry, loved him in Gladiator, but...

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"The Agent-Writer Confrontation" by T.L. Jericho (original credit to "Les Miserables")

Agent:
Writer, at last,
We see each other plain
Monsieur "Author"
You'll need a different name!

Writer:
Before you say another word, Agent
Before you dub me illiterate again
Listen to me! There is something I must do.
This novel is another wondrous tale.
There is none but me with dazzling imagery,
In Mercy's name, some love is all it needs.

Then it'll sell, I pledge my word.
Then it'll sell...

Agent:
You must think me mad!
I've trashed wordsmiths across the years
Wimps like you can never change
A fool such as you.

Agent (in parentheses) and Writer, in counterpoint:
(Lit like this must never change)
Believe of me what you will
(Lit you write will never change)
There is a story that I've sworn to do

(No,)
You know nothing of my life
(Wannabe-Stephen-King)
All I did was bare my soul

(My duty's to the books - you have no rights)
You don't care about my plot
(Go away, Lee Child copycat)
You would sooner see me dead

(Now your story's turned around)
But not before I see this novel done
(Your scribbles are nothing now)

I am telling you, Agent
(Dare you talk to me of time)
I have a strong voice that shines
(Spent writing all night and day)

There is power in me yet
(Every jack seeks publishing)
My tales are not yet spun!
(All artists must find their way)

I am warning you, Agent
(You know nothing of agents)
There is nothing I won't dare
(I was born reading a book)

If I have to beg you here
(I was born a scum like you)
I'll do what must be done!
(I am a novelist too!)

Writer:
And this I swear to you tonight

Agent:
There is no book you can write

Writer:
No matter what new holes you tear...

Agent:
Whatever you will try to say...

Writer:
I'll pour out my crazed fiction...

Agent and Writer (Together):
I swear to you, no time to spare.

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And there we have it. The writer and agent's lives in the nutshell. Hope you enjoyed it. Nothing fancy in the alterations, but I had fun twisting it for aspiring authors and writers everywhere, and for the agent, who feels overly pestered. :)

In closing, nothing at all against agents. It's a tough life to lead. Ditto with writing. Just poking a little fun at the process...

- T.L.